Hi everyone,

We were having an interesting conversation thread on ap-child that I thought was a good topic to share with the whole group. One of the moms of a recently adopted toddler commented that "it almost seems that she
doesn't know what to do with a spoon."

Of course, those of us who grew up in the west take it for granted that all children are taught to use tableware at an early age. But in fact, in India, this isn't so, and parents who are adopting older children need to be aware of this.
 

Here is the description posted by one list member who spent some time living in India:

Most children in India do not feed themselves until an  age far beyond the age at which they would be doing it here (like even all the way until 4-5!).  And spoons and forks are almost never used.  The food is placed in a bowl and then scooped up with the four fingers, then the thumb is used like a pusher to kind of push it off the fingers into their mouths.  Alternately, the four fingers with food on them, are placed palm side down and food placed into baby's mouth.  Most of the time this food is rice and dal mixed together, so it's not too watery and not hard to do. It's actually a very efficient way to feed the baby.

After my 7 month stay last year and then our recent 4 week visit to my in-laws, I have a different appreciation for the practical reasons why children are hand fed by parents until (what we would consider to be) such a late age.  Picking up rice that has dropped from your toddler's spoon (you know only about half of it will make it to their mouths) or from their hands if they are hand feeding themselves is NOT an easy task ... it doesn't wipe up (it smears), it doesn't sweep up with a broom ... you must actually pick up each grain by itself.  And pick it up you must, very quickly, and then wash the floor or else you will be plagued with ants (or even worse).

Another practice that is very common in India, is that kids are not typically required to sit at the table and eat.  And so amma wanders around after said toddler trying to force one more mouthful in!  They go outside and sit on the compound wall and watch the traffic go by, anything so that they can get food into their kids.  I had previously found this practice to be rather annoying ... I just don't believe in forcing kids to eat!  If they aren't hungry, then I just let them be.  Again, I have a different insight into this matter now.  In the heat of the weather, Mira wasn't interested in eating ... and we were eating cooked food not cool vegetables or some such thing.  But, as my in-laws said, if she doesn't eat and she picks up some bug (which can happen very easily), if they haven't been eating properly, they have nothing to fight the bug.  So my SILs started running around after Mira and feeding her a mouthful here and mouthful there to get at least a minimum amount of food down her.  (I didn't do it since I didn't want her to expect to be able to do it when we got back here to the US!!!)

Nikila however sat in my lap as I sat cross-legged on the floor and happily ate everything we gave her ...

Another helpful hint for those of you trying to ease your children into eating from a spoon ... get some very small plastic ones ... they will meet with much less resistance than metal ones, at least that's what I have found.

OK, it's me (Cheryl) talking again...

I think it's worth noting, too, that most of these kids have never been strapped into a high chair. Moriah arrived at 9.5 mos. and screamed bloody murder when we tried putting her into our high chair. (Also the car seat, the bathtub seat, and the stroller!) Since most children sit on someone's lap or on the floor, this would be a very foreign experience.

I'm also told that bathing is done with a bucket of water and plastic cup (which looks a lot like our liquid measuring cups) "... we sat on the floor crossed legged with the kids in our lap and poured water over
them.  And it's often not hot or warm water but cold water!" This goes a long way to explain how hysterical Moriah was when we first tried to bathe her in the big bathtub. I've heard others comment about this in the past, too.

Our solution was to sit Moriah on the bathroom counter and let her dangle her feet in the sink while we bathed her with a washcloth. Eventually she got pretty curious. Once she got used to her high chair, we put the bathtub seat in the bottom of the bathtub and put only and inch or two of water in the bottom of the tub so it wouldn't look scary. She adjusted pretty quickly, and now, a year later, bathtime is her favorite time of the day!

I know this was pretty long, but for those involved in older child adoptions, I hope it is useful info. I wish more agencies would provide this kind of background before the children come home. It could relieve a lot of anxieties for parents and children.